Upaya, part II
- 24 feb 2016
- 2 minuten om te lezen
A few weeks ago I returned to Europe after my second three-month-period as a resident in Upaya (Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe, NM, USA). In april I will go back for my third. When people ask me how it was I find it hard to answer. After my first 3-month-period in Upaya it wasn't hard at all: it was just fantastic, everything was great! This time it's different, it's harder to find words. I guess my experience was more mixed and more messy [NL: hobbelig] this time.
While my first period in Upaya was a very happy one, the second one was more tough [NL: lastiger]. My moods [NL: humeur] were not as sunny as they were the first time around. This time I also noticed things about Upaya that I didn't like so much. I guess you can say that the honeymoon is over. I even had an argument and became angry with some people there. However, looking back I am grateful for that as well. Really.
Also, something that colored my stay at Upaya this time was that I fell in love. I met a very special person and we spent some short but great times together. There was a lot of affection, intimacy and trust. Although it was confusing, it was also very beautiful. Because of the circumstances of our lives, wefound that being together after Upaya would be very difficult. I've let her go, but I continue to love her from a distance, which is just wonderful. Of course, all of this brought up a lot of emotions and a lot of thinking.
So I guess my second period was certainly not as smooth [NL: niet zo gladjes] as the first. At the same time, however, that doesn't mean that it was less 'good' than the first. On the contrary [NL: in tegendeel], I would even say. Actually, maybe this time was more fruitful than the last. After all, of course difficulties usually teach us the most. Moreover, I found that underneath all the turbulence there is something that remains untouched and undisturbed [NL: onaangedaan] by all this. And although I was certainly affected by all that happened, at the same time my connection with and awareness of this deeper, still dimension seems to be getting stronger.
My meditation changed as well. I have the feeling it became more mature [NL: volwassen], more grounded [NL: geaard/gegrond/geworteld] and more serious. I sat with more energy, more focus and more determination [NL: inzet]. Actually, sometimes with too much determination probably, like the string that was strung too tightly. But that's okay. That's what happens sometimes when you try new things. I have the feeling I understand much more of what this whole Zen thing is about, like I've gotten closer to the old Chinese Zen masters.
Also, my connections with the Upaya community have deepened and strengthened a lot these last three months. I've really become part of the Upaya family. There's a lot of love there!
On april 13th I'll be returning to Upaya, and I'm already looking forward to it! :-)
(Click to enlarge the pictures.)
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