It's been a while...

As you can see, this is my first blog post in more than a year and a half. Recently I felt that I do want to start writing again. But let me first say a few things about why I haven't posted anything here for such a long time. There are three main reasons.

The first two reasons are fairly practical, in the sense that there are concrete causes that I can point to: two life situations that were rather important and that I didn't know what to write about.

The first one being that I fell in love; that it was very unclear [NL: onduidelijk] what it was and where it was going and that it was difficult.

The second one was that I was struggling [NL: worstelen] with Upaya. I increasingly [NL: steeds meer] felt like I didn't want to be there anymore, I felt torn [NL: uit elkaar getrokken] between frustration and loyalty, and it took some time before I really had the clarity [NL: helderheid] to deal with it wisely and I could say my goodbyes in a beautiful way without any hard feelings [NL: als goede vrienden]. So being torn, what should I write? What can I write? I really didn't know. I also felt like writing something else about my life without saying anything about these matters [NL: zaken]- which were important pieces of my experience at the time - would have been dishonest and phoney [NL: oneerlijk en nep]. That was my predicament [NL: moeilijkheid].

This was actually exacerbated [NL: verergerd] by the third reason. This reason was more fundamental, it had to do with a growing sense [NL: gevoel] of not wanting to continue speaking with the same voice I had been using. More and more I grew tired [NL: moe] of how I had been writing, but didn't know how else to write. Didn't like my old voice anymore, and hadn't found a new one yet.

So silence [NL: stilte] resulted, no activity on this blog for a year and half. Now I think I am ready to start writing again. I don't know for how long yet, I'm not making any promises. [NL: Ik beloof niks.]